I got a message from MySpace the other day from a guy I knew growing up who’s known me since grade school. He apparently found his way from my Myspace page to this blog. The first comment he made was "I can’t believe you still watch pro wrestling" and I had to laugh. He probably remembers me in 6th grade when my desk was crammed with wrestling magazines which spilled out into the floor and the shelves behind me.

This jogged my memory and reminded me that my guilty pleasures were due for a new addition, or rather, a correction to include a painfully obvious omission. So I’ve decided to revisit my "top 5" and make the necessary adjustments.

And I’m going to do this by indulging in yet another guilty pleasure, taking memorable quotes from movies I like and ratcheting them up as if they were Mad Libs, pulling out words and replacing them with my own, thus taking some writer’s great skeleton of a quote and making it mine.

The movie this time around is the classic and endlessly quotable High Fidelity (he says, sticking it in the DVD player, bumping Andre the Giant). The lines, written by Nick Hornby for the book and delivered in the movie by antihero Rob Gordon as played by John Cusack, talking about his most memorable breakups and where his current on-again off-again girl Laura fits in such a scenario. Anyway, the original quotes:

"My desert island, *all time* Top Five breakups (in chronological order) are as follows: Alison Ashmore, Penny Hardwick, Jackie Alden, Charlie Nicholson and Sarah Kendrew. *Those* were the ones that really mattered. DO YOU SEE YOUR NAME ON THAT LIST, LAURA?! Maybe you’d sneak into the Top Ten. But there’s no room for you in the Top Five, sorry! Those places are reserved for the kind of pain and humiliation you’re just not *capable* of delivering. IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO MESS ME UP, YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN TO ME EARLIER!!…'’

Then later on in the movie:

"Number five — Jackie Alden. My break up with Jackie Alden had no effect on my life whatsoever. I just slotted her in to bump you out of position, Laura. Yes, you do in fact make it into the top five. Welcome. And just to remind you, the list is in chronological order, not in the order of pain and suffering. Laura, number five with a bullet, welcome."

And my interpretation, again, madlibbing my five guilty pleasures from the previous post, plus, mmm, perhaps one more. And you can figure out where this post is going.

"My desert island, *all time* Top Five guilty pleasures (in no particular order) are as follows: pro wrestling, Taz slippers, canned Chefboyardee, nature CDs and trash-picked newspapers. *Those* were the ones that really mattered. DO YOU SEE YOUR NAME ON THAT LIST, GOD WARRIOR?! Maybe you’d sneak into
the Top Ten. But there’s no room for you in the Top Five, sorry! Those places are reserved for the kind of pleasure and subsequent guilt you’re just not *capable* of delivering. IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO TAINT ME, YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN TO ME EARLIER!!…'’

"Number five — trash-picked newspapers. My reading of discarded papers had no effect on my life whatsoever. I just slotted them in to bump you out of position, God Warrior. Yes, you do in fact make it into the top five. Welcome. And just to remind you, the list is in no particular order, not in the order of pleasure and subsequent guilt. God Warrior, number five–no, number ONE with a bullet, welcome."

The God Warrior’s birthday was celebrated in style last Thursday night in Houston. Shirts were made. Texts were sent. And some time during the course of the night, while Beelzebounce was inhabiting the dryer and I was making mock puking noises under my breath and giggling, I realized that guilty pleasures are made for sharing. And that fifteen minutes can be a hell of a long time, but shit if I can tell you NOW in 2006 exactly where I was when Hulk Hogan bodyslammed Andre in ‘87, then I figure I can drag out the warrior well into the 21st century. With some help, of course.