… and even if he’s a lazy man, and the Praxis was most certainly that — quite possibly the laziest in D.C. — he certainly would not post two memes in a row …. would he? Yepper. Esp. when I’m on my third Caucasian. So without further adieu ….
* You’ve been seriously injured at Action Park. [no, but I remember the pictures of nasty abrasion marks on legs and arms next to the Alpine Slide. Good times]
* You know that the only people who call it “Joisey” are from New York (usually The Bronx) or Texas. [lots of people call it that. It’s probably in the travel guides with the Sopranos guided tour by now.]
* You don’t think of citrus when people mention “The Oranges.” [I think “did I miss my exit?”]
* You know that it’s called “Great Adventure,” not “Six Flags.” [it’s both, right?]
* You’ve ordered a hard roll with butter for breakfast. [shit, I worked at 7-11, I buttered those rolls myself …… does that sound gross?]
* You’ve known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven. [also the last time I wore parachute pants. Coincidence, I think not.]
* You’ve eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 am. [Taylor ham, egg, and cheese on a hard roll.]
* Whenever you park, there’s a Camaro within three spots of you. [Even still today? I wonder.]
* You remember that the “Two Guys” were from Harrison. [and that Crazy Eddie’s prices are IN-SAAANE]
* You know that the state isn’t one big oil refinery. [true. There are shopping malls too]
* At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know what town Jon Bon Jovi is from. [I like Bruce. And Jon Bon is from Sayreville.]
* You know what a “jug handle” is. [oh, hell yeah. We had one in our town.]
* You know that a WaWa is a convenience store [WAAAWAAAAAAA!!!!]
* You know that the state isn’t all farmland. [I think most people know that?!]
* You know that there are no “beaches” in new Jersey - there’s “The Shore,” and you know that the road to the shore is “The Parkway” not “The Garden State Highway.” [yes and when driving south on the “Turnpike” one does not inevitably fall off the edge of the world, but continues into (gasp) other states.]
* You know that “Piney” isn’t referring to a tree. [What the f* is a piney?]
* Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs, and, you call it a “sub” not a “submarine sandwich” or worse yet, a “hoagy” or a “hero.” [my school cafeteria made a killer “rocky road” — ground beef and gravy over a lump of mashed potatoes. It was the head janitor’s favorite food and they served it when he retired.]
* You remember the song from the Palisades Park commercials. [I remember the Chipmunks-on-’roids theme from Raceway Park. God, it’s still annoying.]
* You know how to properly negotiate a Circle. [Ledgewood Mall, baby!]
* You knew that the last question had to do with driving. [a traffic circle, yes. Not an everything bagel.]
* You know that “Acme” is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros creation. [LOL. I worked at one for five years. It’s now a CVS]
* You know that this is the only “New…” state that doesn’t require “New” to identify it (like, try …Mexico, …York, …Hampshire (doesn’t work, does it?). [Not unless you’re British, or Mexican, no]
* You know how to translate this conversation: “Jeet yet?” “No, Jew?” [since “Jeet” was already in the vocabulary, they decided to tag a Yankee player with it]
* You only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it “The City.” [And I’ ve hopped the wrong PATH train back to Newark or Journal Sq. instead of Hoboken]
* You know that a “White Castle” is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich. [Hold it now …. Hit it!!]
* You consider a corned beef sandwich with lettuce and mayo a sacrilege. [I’ve lived out of state long enough. My standards have lowered]
* In the 80’s you wore your hair REALLY high. [no, just the mullet. Speaking of sacrilege….]
* You don’t think “What exit” (do you live near?) is very funny. [no, it’s still pretty funny]
* You know that the real first “strip shopping center” in the country is Route 22. [I did not know that. But now I do. Thank you Jersey historian.]
* You know that people from 609 area code are “a little different.” [They shop at Wawa. C’mon.]
* You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton - that’s for out-of-staters. [Jersey claims Princeton Record Exchange, however.]
* The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar. [two teams that claim New York and play in New Jersey. That’s why I’m a Vikings fan.]
* You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls. [yeah, you could say that I did. Not sure if that’s unique to New Jersey anymore]
* You can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town. [no, there was a stretch of route 46 where you’d drive up a hill and it would appear out of nowhere. I always enjoyed that.]
* You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers [um, what about the Turnpike?]
* Every year, you had at least one kid in your class named Tony. [Actually I don’t think we did?]
* You know where every “clip” shown in the Sopranos opening credits is. [Yeah, but mainly through research.]
* You’ve gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook Mall. [yeah, and I almost crashed into Fountains of Wayne.]
* You’ve eaten a Boardwalk cheesesteak with vinegar fries. [Maybe. I did however have my first truly great pizza slice at Point Pleasant a few months back. I was having withdrawal symptoms.]
* You have a favorite Atlantic City casino. [I avoid the place like the plague.]
* You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February. [um, why?]
And finally…
* You’ve never pumped your own gas. [well, sadly I’ve had to learn how to do that. In fact, when I cross into Jersey, I often get out and start pumping and have to be shepherded back into the vehicle by some attendant.]
